How to Teach Kids to Develop a Positive Inner Voice

A parent’s eyes well up as they reflect on their concerns for their child and the kind of parent they hope to be. Watching a child withdraw from life’s challenges can be heartbreaking, especially when they express self-doubt, saying things like, “I’m not good enough.”

Sitting with parents as they think about their inner voice is one of the most humbling parts of therapy. It’s a vulnerable and insightful process where clients’ explore what their inner voice is saying, how it communicates, and how it might be affecting them in the here and now. 

As a counsellor, I often ask, “Who’s voice do you hear?”

Our inner voice often echoes the voice of a parent or the dominant adult who raised us. The parent who nurtured us while we were young, helpless, and making sense of the world. Whether cheering us on or holding us back, our inner voice often reflects what we heard and experienced as children during those formative and impressionable years, the years when our families and culture shaped our confidence, resilience, and growth. 

Knowing this, how can I help my child develop a positive inner voice?

Model positive self talk by speaking it aloud.

Positive self-talk sounds like, “We’ve got this,” and “I worked hard at this, and that matters.” 

Even when a task seems overwhelming, it helps to highlight and encourage effort, shifting the focus from achievement to growth, replacing “I can’t do this,” with “I can’t do this yet.”

When you’re faced with a challenging task, try modeling self-compassion by saying something like, “This is hard and I’m proud of myself for trying.” 

In emotionally charged situations, try validating your emotions, “That was scary and overwhelming, but we hung in there and figured it out.”

Modeling self-talk aloud might feel awkward, but it’s a vital part of growth - for both children and adults. Openly acknowledging our strengths may feel uncomfortable at first, but it fosters lasting confidence and self-awareness, helping us to believe in ourselves.

As a parent, notice how you interact with your child in everyday moments. Your body language and tone of voice often speak louder than your words. Now, consider what lessons you want your child to learn from the moments you share together. 

If we want our children to develop self-acceptance and a positive sense of their abilities, it starts with modeling positive self-talk. It begins by practicing positive self-talk daily in front of your child, and prioritizing your own mental health, so the voice they carry into adulthood is filled with confidence, resilience, and self-compassion. 

What positive self-talk will I share with my child today? This simple question invites you to actively nurture your child’s inner voice, highlighting your vital role in their journey to self-acceptance. By taking small steps each day, you reinforce your commitment to growth - for both you and your child. 

About the Author:

Alisa Farina is a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC), a Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCC), and the Founder of Growing Minds Counselling and Consulting. She holds a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology with Distinction, a Bachelor of Arts in Child and Youth Care, and a diploma in special education. With over 30 years of experience in special education, youth work, and counselling, Alisa brings deep compassion, insight, and real world understanding to her work.